Adrift

He let out a sigh, just as he did every morning when he stood on the bathroom scales. He'd lost more weight. His weight was starting to get dangerously low, but he couldn't bring himself to eat, whenever he tried he'd simply retch it back up minutes later. As he stepped of the scales his legs began to shake allowing him to see how much his boxers hung off of him these days, as if he were a young child wearing his fathers clothes. He'd been up all night, sleep alluded him as it had for months now and he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take...
John walked from the bathroom into the lounge of his cramped and dark apartment, 24 Green Road. It wasn't like where he had been living before, but there were too many memories there, memories he no longer wanted to remember. He let out yet another sigh, unsure of what he was meant to be doing with himself, he had hours before it was time to meet with his therapist that afternoon and knew he would (like most days) simply end up starting blankly at the bare walls of his new home, that was now beginning to feel more like a prison.
There it was again! That sudden feeling of dread and worry rushing over him like a wave. It came from nowhere but he could never shake it once it was there. He needed to sit down, fast! But just as John was about to step forward toward his armchair there was a knock at the door and he immediately knew who it was: Mrs. Hudson. He only had two people to ever come visit him now (there was his sister Harry too, but she didn't live in London) and Greg Lastrade was undoubtedly at work. The worry he felt soon gave way to anger. 'I told her not to come round anymore' he muttered under his breath. He'd had a very short fuse with Mr. Hudson in the past couple of weeks, mainly because of her constant attempts to mother and comfort him.
There was only one person in the world whom John Watson wanted comfort from, and that was Sherlock Holmes. But he was gone...

She knocked again, harder this time, obviously thinking he hadn't heard her. John cringed as the thumping on exacerbated the intense headache he already had. 'I'm coming' he called out to her, trying to sound as calm as he could. He opened the door and there stood Mrs. Hudson's beaming face 'Hello dearie' she greeted him with. He said nothing, simply moving from the door way so she could enter. 'Oh, now Mr's Hudson' John cried as she saw a basket of pastries in her hand as she walked through the door, she brought him something every time she visited him.
She ignored him, as if he had said nothing, already knowing what he was objecting to and simply replied 'It's nice to see you again'. John was already finding this tedious, as she had visited him 2 days before. 'It's nice to see you too, Mrs. Hudson' he muttered back.
'So what've you been doing with yourself?'
'Oh, you know, day time telly, microwave meals' he lied with a fake smile on his face 'And yourself?'
'Oh bits and bobs, shopping and sorting things out for the new tenants. That- That's partly why I came here... Now that I have new people moving in... we need to sort through his boxes and was hoping..'
He wanted to run, felt like the walls of his cell were closing in on him, her words became muffled and all he could hear was white noise ringing in his ears (a defense mechanism, his therapist has told him).
'No' the words rushed out of his mouth before he could stop them 'I can't face that'
'I know it's hard for you dearie, but we need-'
'Mrs Hudson please just stop!'
'I just thought you might like to-'
'STOP!'
There was a short pause after this. John had his back to her, but he knew Mrs. Hudson was trying to compose herself. She gasped.  'He- he was important to all of us John.. not just you' her voice was shaking and guilt hit him like a train. 'What have I done?' he thought to himself.
Mrs. Hudson moved toward the table and placed the basket on it. Next he heard was the slamming of his front door and a Mrs. Hudson's sobs she had obvious been holding back as she walked down the corridor and back toward the street...
His legs gave way. He hit the ground with an all mighty thud and bust into tears. He could see he was pushing them all away, but the situation was so out of control that he no longer knew what to do.